I had planned to come back tomorrow, after this crazy Brownie Ceremony is done, but I couldn't stay away from my dear friends here any longer!
I only have a few moments this morning as I'm taking my wee one to see the new Veggie Tales movie in a little while, so I'll have to catch up with my messages and group talks later.
I just wanted to say a few words about why I needed a break and the things I thought about while I was gone.
I will admit I probably overreacted to the Chatter post. I was having a really bad day, fighting with a person I have to work closely with IRL, worrying about my Uncle in the hospital and feeling totally depressed about life. When I read that post I took it very personally. I couldn't understand how a friend could think such awful things about me. It made me feel awful, and I decided that I didn't need to come here to feel awful when I already had that IRL. So I took a thinking break.
I came to a few conclusions: first, I am not a bad person. Anyone who choses to think so doesn't really know me. I am REAL when I come on MM. You guys see the good, the bad and the ugly. You get to see my mood swings, my temper tantrums, and my bursts of love.
There are too many places in the world where I have to be fake and play nice. At work, at school, with neighbors, friends, relatives... all those places we have to be polite. Hold our tongues. Not say anything unless we agree. Only with our family can we always feel safe to say exactly what we feel. So feel honored guys, because my honesty here on MM shows that I think of you like family.
So I will continue to be just who I am here. Anyone who likes me for me is welcome to be my friend. Anyone who doesn't is welcome to go their own way. That's the beauty of this site, we don't ALL have to get along.
My second conclusion is, that as much as I love you guys I need to take some of the discussions here less seriously and less personally. Because it's not healthy for me to get as worked up over a chat as I did. My hiatus helped, and if I start to feel overwhelmed again I'll do the same thing. Just with less drama ;-)
Lastly, I figured out that I need to re-prioritize a little. I have been spending too much time online, to the detriment of my studies, my volunteer activities, and my family. So my new rule is, I get 30-45 minutes in the morning to catch up, then I'm not allowed back on until I complete whatever tasks I have for the day. Which means I will be less active in some of my groups, there just won't be time for me to respond to every post. If anyone has a problem with that let me know, and I'll re-evaluate my memberships.
If you stuck with me through all of that, thanks! Love you!
I haven't been able to be on MM much today, just popping in here and there for a minute or two. I miss you guys already! Unfortunately I think this will continue to be my fate, at least until I get settled into the rhythm of school...
Yes, that's right school started back this week and MAN, is this going to be a busy semester. Both of my classes are online, which requires more work than I could've imagined. In addition to DAILY discussions and readings, weekly video lectures and lots of group projects and writing long papers we are expected to actually TEACH a class. Both of my instructors are requiring this, I think they've been plotting....
In any case I am rather freaked out by this news, even though I know I am a good teacher. Teaching to my peers is intimidating!
So what else is up? I taught my last Sunday school class this morning. It was bitter-sweet, the kids were awesome and I will miss them but I needed to take something off my plate.
It was also my first Sunday back at church since November, not counting the Christmas Eve service. I must say it felt GOOD. I miss going there, even though I usually don't feel like I have the time. It did my spirit good to be amongst my friends again.
This evening I found out some bad news, my favorite uncle, the only relative of mine besides my parents that I actually LIKE, is in the hospital. He has a multitude of problems and it is looking like cancer. He has already fought that battle twice and won, but now it may have moved into his spine, which I guess is a pretty bad thing. He had emergency surgery and a biopsy today so hopefully we will know what is going on soon. He is a really great man, a life-long cowboy (for real!) and one of the most caring, kind people I have ever known.
Lots of love to all of my friends here. Good night!