I'm back

I had planned to come back tomorrow, after this crazy Brownie Ceremony is done, but I couldn't stay away from my dear friends here any longer!

I only have a few moments this morning as I'm taking my wee one to see the new Veggie Tales movie in a little while, so I'll have to catch up with my messages and group talks later.

I just wanted to say a few words about why I needed a break and the things I thought about while I was gone.

I will admit I probably overreacted to the Chatter post. I was having a really bad day, fighting with a person I have to work closely with IRL, worrying about my Uncle in the hospital and feeling totally depressed about life. When I read that post I took it very personally. I couldn't understand how a friend could think such awful things about me. It made me feel awful, and I decided that I didn't need to come here to feel awful when I already had that IRL. So I took a thinking break.

I came to a few conclusions: first, I am not a bad person. Anyone who choses to think so doesn't really know me. I am REAL when I come on MM. You guys see the good, the bad and the ugly. You get to see my mood swings, my temper tantrums, and my bursts of love.

There are too many places in the world where I have to be fake and play nice. At work, at school, with neighbors, friends, relatives... all those places we have to be polite. Hold our tongues. Not say anything unless we agree. Only with our family can we always feel safe to say exactly what we feel. So feel honored guys, because my honesty here on MM shows that I think of you like family.

So I will continue to be just who I am here. Anyone who likes me for me is welcome to be my friend. Anyone who doesn't is welcome to go their own way. That's the beauty of this site, we don't ALL have to get along.

My second conclusion is, that as much as I love you guys I need to take some of the discussions here less seriously and less personally. Because it's not healthy for me to get as worked up over a chat as I did. My hiatus helped, and if I start to feel overwhelmed again I'll do the same thing. Just with less drama ;-)

Lastly, I figured out that I need to re-prioritize a little. I have been spending too much time online, to the detriment of my studies, my volunteer activities, and my family. So my new rule is, I get 30-45 minutes in the morning to catch up, then I'm not allowed back on until I complete whatever tasks I have for the day. Which means I will be less active in some of my groups, there just won't be time for me to respond to every post. If anyone has a problem with that let me know, and I'll re-evaluate my memberships.

If you stuck with me through all of that, thanks! Love you!

Just checking in

I haven't been able to be on MM much today, just popping in here and there for a minute or two. I miss you guys already! Unfortunately I think this will continue to be my fate, at least until I get settled into the rhythm of school...

Yes, that's right school started back this week and MAN, is this going to be a busy semester. Both of my classes are online, which requires more work than I could've imagined. In addition to DAILY discussions and readings, weekly video lectures and lots of group projects and writing long papers we are expected to actually TEACH a class. Both of my instructors are requiring this, I think they've been plotting....

In any case I am rather freaked out by this news, even though I know I am a good teacher. Teaching to my peers is intimidating!

So what else is up? I taught my last Sunday school class this morning. It was bitter-sweet, the kids were awesome and I will miss them but I needed to take something off my plate.

It was also my first Sunday back at church since November, not counting the Christmas Eve service. I must say it felt GOOD. I miss going there, even though I usually don't feel like I have the time. It did my spirit good to be amongst my friends again.

This evening I found out some bad news, my favorite uncle, the only relative of mine besides my parents that I actually LIKE, is in the hospital. He has a multitude of problems and it is looking like cancer. He has already fought that battle twice and won, but now it may have moved into his spine, which I guess is a pretty bad thing. He had emergency surgery and a biopsy today so hopefully we will know what is going on soon. He is a really great man, a life-long cowboy (for real!) and one of the most caring, kind people I have ever known.

Lots of love to all of my friends here. Good night!

My daughter's new do

I took my 6 year old to the hair salon today. She has had her hair trimmed many times, but this was her first time in a "real" salon, getting a new style. She was so excited! When we got there she flipped through the books and found a very cute cut. I was skeptical that it would work on her fine hair, but said we would ask the stylist. After all, her hair, her choice.

It turned out SO cute! She looks so grown up *sniff* I just love it!

for one more day

My daughter, S, and I went to a book signing by Mitch Albom, author of For One More Day, The 5 People You Meet in Heaven and Tuesdays with Morrie tonight. We had to wait over an hour because Mitch was delayed by an accident on the roads. Most of the people waiting (and there were a TON of them) were really nice. We had talked and laughed and it was so nice just to revel in goodness for a while. My daughter was AWESOME, she was so well behaved and so sweet to everyone, but she did get tired after a while.

We were probably about 30th or so in line. When Mitch Albom finally got there he made a short speech then asked that everyone let the elderly people and people with small children come up first. S was sitting on the floor in front of his table, looking sleepy, so he pointed to her and asked that we be allowed to go first! I let another woman who was probably 90 go before us though.

Of course, when I got up to the table I turned into a slathering idiot. I told him "I'm a big fan" and The 5 People You Meet in Heaven was life changing for me. DUR, talk about dorky. But he was nice and signed my books (got one for my mom too) and told S she was a good girl for being so patient.

Afterwards I told S that she is FOR SURE on Santa's good list now after behaving so well tonight!

One of the big impressions I took away with me is; It's all about attitude. A few people were complaining about the lines, the wait, the people (i.e. ME and the elderly) getting to cut to the front. They looked so sour, so sad. What did they get out of this night, except a signature and bad feelings?

I got love. Love of my daughter, love of the kind people around me who kept shunting us forward in the line. Appreciation for all that is good and kind in this world. I am so glad my daughter was with me to share in this special evening, and I will remember how I felt every time I read my book and look at Albom's signature.

IF

Brought to you by the letters H (HomeSlice) and L (LuvMyBoyz)... THANKS GUYS!!!


If I had to be an actress I'd be Angelina Jolie. What's not to like? Hot mama, saving the world, BRAD? Hmmmm...

If I had to be a talk show host I'd be Oprah. Because she is flat out fabulous!

If I had to be an entertainer, I'd be Kathy Griffin. She's so damn funny and I love her hair (even if it IS extensions!)

If I had to move out of this country, I'd move to... This one is SO hard! First thought, Prague, second, Spain, third, Caymen Islands.... I CAN'T decide!

If I had to date a thug...showing my naivetee here, I can't think of any thugs!

If I had to eat just one food forever I'd eat burritos with guacamole, salsa, and all the fixin's.

If I had to be (taller/shorter) I'd be taller.

If I had to be a singer, I would be Margo Timmins from the Cowboy Junkies. I LOVE her voice, she's sexy!

If I had to marry an actor, I'd marry Harrison Ford, my favorite actor of all time. Sure, he's old now, but he's still hot!

If I had to be a flower, I'd be a sunflower.

If I had to be a drink I'd be a margarita! Yummy and fun and I'd go great with that burrito!

Just checking in

Here it is, Sunday again. AGAIN?!

I've been in a state of panic for days. The semester is ending, and I have less than 2 weeks to finish all my work. I fairly behind, so I spent all weekend (or as much of it as my family would allow) working on my projects. It's a start, a good start, but there is much yet to do.

This is the first semester that I am taking only computer science classes. So instead of final exams or papers I am writing code, creating databases, and scripting. Gawd! I'd KILL to write a paper right now. At least I could BS my way through. But with these classes... well even if you spend 20 hours designing a button, if nothing happens when you push it you still fail.

Sigh. This is the first semester where mom/work/student/me has been really out of wack. As a consequence not only is my school work suffering but so is my family. DH is tired of playing house husband, and the kids are tired of mama always being cranky or not available.

Just give me Dec. 15th, PLEASE! At that point I will have 3 glorious weeks off from school. I can't wait to bake cookies, get a tree, decorate, shop, eat, play with the kids. It's going to be fantastic and I am going to enjoy every second of it!

Until then, you won't see me around so much. I try to check in once a day, but I usually only have time to reply to one or two messages. I still love ya'll; I just need to get this stuff done.

Take care and have a fantastic week!

Lyrical quotes

The quotes entry that many of you did has had me thinking about lines from my favorite songs. Line that move me, rock me or touch a nerve. Here are a few of them in no particular order:

1) Well I know we're dying
And there's no sign of a parachute
In this Chapel
Little chapel of love
Can't we get a little grace
And some elegance
No we scream in cathedrals
Why can't it be beautiful
Why does there
Gotta be a sacrifice
~Tori Amos, iieee

2) Tied down to this bed of shame
You tried to move around the pain but oh
Your soul is anchored

The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
Offer what you can, I’ll take all that I can get
Only a fool’s here...
~ Sarah McLaughlin, Ice

3) Sometimes the light's all shinin on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip its been.
~Grateful Dead, Truckin'

4) When you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally
And that the people you let in are only crumbling
When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me
~Blue October, Overweight

5) Got to get back up but at your own pace
Got to fill your cup and find the way
Out of your own maze....
Look strong
Like you belong cause you do belong
Whether right or wrong you belong
I'm on your side if you fail at least you tried
To keep your aching celebrating wonder making heart alive...
~Blue October, Inner Glow

6) Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna to see jumping.
F**k that, I wanna see some fist pumping.
risk something, take back what's yours
say something that you know they might attack you for
cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for.
~Linkin Park, Hands Held High

7) I got a
Heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handful of anger
Held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood, sweat and tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear
~Linkin Park, Nobody's Listening

8) I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
~Indigo Girls, Closer to Fine

9) My friend tanner she says you know
Me and jesus were of the same heart
The only thing that keeps us distant
Is that I keep fuckin up

I said come on down to chicano city park
And wash your blues away
The beautiful ladies walk right by
You know I never know what to say
~Indigo Girls, Shame on You

10) All of us arent we
Pretty pretenders
Negligent vendors
Arent we precious inside
I have no need for anger
With intimate strangers
And I got nothing to hide
~Indigo Girls