Award

My friends Alicia and Jess both gave me this award and in turn I am supposed to write ten honest things about myself. I'll try to be original and come up with something that ya'll don't already know....

1) I'm pretty strict, I like rules, and it really, really bothers me when I have to deal with kids from families who don't agree with my need for rules. Because of this I have a hard time understanding, accepting or even liking some kids.

2) I'm pretty sure I have OCD.

3) I hate, hate, hate being late, or when other people are late, or when things start late. This is a bad thing for someone who is surrounded by people and groups who are very lax about punctuality.

4) I'm mean and angry a lot more often than I'd like to be.

5) I wish I could afford to only work part time, or be a SAHM.

6) I'm becoming more conservative as I get older, although I don't think I'll ever go so far right as to become a Republican :D

7) I consider converting to Christianity fairly often, even though I don't believe in the core belief that Jesus is the son of God. However I feel there is a lot that a Christian church can offer in the way of moral teaching that my kids sadly don't get through our UU church, even though I think that UUs are more innately moral than most Christians. Why is that we don't bother teaching our kids those morals?

8) I am very grateful that I have girl children; I am pretty intolerant of boy's behavior.

9) There's a part of me that is really drawn to the "country" life-style: cowboy boots and hats, music, horses, ranches, farming, square dances. But I probably would be miserable if I ever tried to adopt the life as the viewpoints on most everything is so radically different from mine.

10) I have a daddy complex, I think my dad is perfect and no man, including my husband, will probably ever be able to live up to him. Sorry honey. If it's any consolation, you are a very, very close second.

Whew, that's it. I probably offended half the people who read my blog with this post, sorry. Honesty can be brutal. Now I'm supposed to tag some people to follow up:

Sarah
Linda

You're it!

Happy birthday to me

Today is my birthday. I am a whole 33 years old, whoo-hoo. Not. Not that I have anything against 33, it's not any different from 32, to tell ya the truth, it's just that whole, I'm getting older and life doesn't even have the courtesy to notice kinda thing that gets me a little down.

I took today off and honestly, it was quite nice. Okay, so techinically I was off, in reality I was troubleshooting web problems. But it did feel kinda nice to have the boss call me on my day off to fix something, showed me that I do actually have some skillz. Nevermind that everyone else he woulda normally called first was also on vacation. I HAVE SKILLZ.

I also spent the morning babysitting for a friend's kids. They were awesome, so sweet and well behaved and they kept Fiona occupied. Despite how it sounds (work and babysitting?!) it was a wonderful morning. Around noon my friend came by and we hung out chatting, something we hardly ever get the chance to do anymore. At 1:30 she headed home and Fiona and I took a N.A.P. Also heavenly. Then at 3:00 we took off to pick up Saskia from camp.

It was great to have Saskia come home, she matured so much in the five days she was gone! It's amazing to me, the changes are subtle, but she is definitely more "grown up" now. She went away a little girl and came back... not a woman, and not a teen... but someone more in charge of herself and more independant. It's pretty damn cool.

This evening Paul cooked me a yummy curry dinner before needing to head out to a meeting. And just now, I served myself a cake (with two candles, is that sad?) and forced the girls to sing happy birthday to me. Yeah, I can be kindof pathetic at times. Then I called my granny, who happens to also have her birthday today. She turned 97! Whoo-hoo, happy birthday grandma!

So now the question is, what next? In some ways I can feel each birthday pushing me further towards the grave. I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life (next time I go into the doctor's office I'm beating that scale to pieces), and I'm pretty darn unhealthy. I am tired, boring and sometimes mean. But I'm also:

in love with my family and children, happy with my career, pursuing interests and hobbies that make me feel fullfilled, and trying to learn new things. So maybe 33 isn't so bad, after all...

Birthday Update

Fiona and I had a great time on her birthday. I had to start the day with a presentation for work, but was able to take off after that. Fiona got to open one present in the morning with papa and sister; I got her a "Friendly Fionna" doll from Troop Groovy Girls. She adored it and has been hauling it everywhere with her ever since.

Fiona took cupcakes to school which was a big hit, and since it was the annual trike-a-thon on her birthday she also took her bike with her and got to ride around with her friends before I picked her up. I picked her up at 11:00 and took her out to her requested restaurant for lunch; IHOP. She was wearing her birthday crown from school, so she got a lot of attention in the restaurant. Some lady even sent over a dollar to her via the waitress. It was sweet. Then at the end the whole staff came out and asked everyone in the place to give her a round of applause. They sang for her and gave her an ice cream Sunday. She was kind-of freaked out by the attention, but she enjoyed the treat.

After IHOP we went home and I rested on the bed and she played with her new doll for a while. I had asked her what she wanted to do: go to a movie, go rollerskating, bowling... she picked the park. So in the afternoon we headed out on her bike to the local park. She met two girls her age there and they played an hour. It was really nice, and made me REALLY miss the freedom of a stay-at-home mom to just do fun stuff in the middle of the day if we want to...

Paul came home around 5:00 and Fiona tore into her presents. She wanted pizza for dinner (urgh, so much greasy food in one day!) and afterwords we had the pink cake that Paul had baked at her request. It was Yummy! The rest of the evening Fiona and Saskia played with her new toys. It was a great day.

Fiona's party was on Sunday. It was an underwater theme and I spent far too many hours cutting out sharks, fish, seashells, crabs etc and pasting them to the walls with green seaweed streamers and blue wave streamers. I don't think the kids even noticed them. I also made a couple of games and set up a craft for when the kids got there and Paul made an awesome cake. We got those chocolate molds that you see at the holiday's in aquatic shapes and made fish, starfish, turtles etc out of green, white and orange chocolate. (Pictures will eventually be published).

Fiona invited 8 kids from preschool and all but one showed up. It was cool, the kids were really well behaved! I wish my Girl Scouts could listen that attentively. The craft and games were a big hit but as usual I WAY overestimated the time it would take them to do them so we ended up with about an hour to kill. This started off okay as free play but quickly degenerated as fights broke out over the toys. When I couldn't take it any more we went outside to play "sharks and fishes" (aka tag) but that quickly was ended when Fiona wiped out on the cement driveway. At least it wasn't someone else' kid. Mostly I was desperately trying to keep them off our playset as I didn't want some parent suing me if their kid fell off but I was a miserable failure. Luckily, no one got hurt so it all worked out in the end. I have to say, I love birthday parties and I think I'm pretty good at throwing them, but they wipe me out! I'm glad they only come once (we'll twice, two kids) a year.

Dear Harvey (a.k.a. "mousekiller")

Dear Harvey,

I'm writing to say thank-you for your vigillant, and sometimes vigilante-like, defense of our house from mice. I've been quite impressed with all the evidence of your prowess you've been leaving for us lately, four mice in one week, wow! You really are a cat god. No matter that they were all babies. I would however like to make one small request. In the future, could you please refrain from leaving your offerings on the doorstep? It is not pleasant to leave for work in the early hours of dawn (your bedtime) to step out onto a freshly killed mouse in my high heels. The driveway is also not an acceptable alternative, as squished-by-car dead mice are exceedingly hard to get rid of, and I did not appreciate how I had to scrape your latest kill up in pieces. Call me squeemish, but mice guts turn my stomach for some odd reason. I would greatly appreciate it if you could politely dispose of your kills in the rubish, or better yet, on that annoying neighbor's front step. You know, the one who we caught throwing dog poop over the fence into our yard last weekend. I'm sure they would appreciate your cunning and skill in trapping wee little baby mice.

Thanks again,
Your grateful owner

Fiona's birthday and other news

I think we'll go with a bullet list today:

• Fiona's birthday is coming up in a little over a week. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a good theme that 1) is appropriate for girls AND boys 2) we haven't done before (last year was circus) and 3) is something Fiona is actually into. Last night the girls were helping me brainstorm and somehow we came up with an underwater theme. Yes! Fiona's really into the ocean, sharks, jellyfish, boats and all that good stuff (thank you Spongebob) so this will be great for her. And we've already come up with a ton of good ideas. We're going with a blue and green color scheme. The living and dining rooms will be decorated with streamers to look like seaweed going up the walls, with lots of fish, crabs, and jellyfish pasted to the walls. When the kids arrive, they will make "seascape" pictures. We will use these for a fishing game by dumping fish on top of the pictures and having the kids fish them into their goodie bags. Then the pictures will be taped to one wall, together, to form the seascape. Next we'll do a craft, either building boats or perhaps a sea creature mobile. Then we'll play "stinging jellyfish" (aka "hot potato") and learn the "Fishies in the water" song and swim around the living room for a while. Next come cake and presents, and we'll finish it off by moving outside for the "shark and fish" game (aka tag). It should be a blast, I'm so excited!
  



• The Girl Scout year is coming to an end, and we're planning our closing ceremony for two weeks from now. I'm wrapping up financials and reports and getting ready for our camping trip the first weekend of June and our summer party at the end of June. One of the co-leaders is stepping down for next year (although she still plans to help out where she can) and I'm stepping up the the leader position. I'm very excited as I've already got a lot of great ideas for next year.



• The girls are doing really well in the theater troop they joined. They are preparing for a "Series of One Acts" play for the end of June. They will be doing a scene from Annie, Jack and the Beanstock, Rapunzel, and a shortened version of The Wizard of Oz. Saskia will be playing Molly in Annie and the giant's wife in Jack and the Beanstock. Fiona is an orphan in Annie and the cow in Jack (she's going to be SO cute). They will both be munchkins in the Wizard of Oz. It should be a great show! Saskia is doing really well and has memorized all her lines. She's definitely got a future in theater!



• I've been spending most of my time on the weekend working outside. Our yard has SO much work that needs to be done. We've dug up the front lawn and reseeded it and the grass has started to grow. I've also cleared a lot of lily of the valley and ivy from various flower beds. Next weekend I hope to have the bed running along the driveway, next to the house, totally cleared out and replaced with river stones. I love seeing progress being made, but I sometimes wish it was going faster (and that it made my back, shoulders, legs and hands hurt less!)



• I'll be going to see Blue October in concert with a friend on May 16th, woo-hoo!

That's all for now. Take care everyone!

Concerts and kids

As most of you already know, my two daughters and I attend an Indigo Girls concert last night. It was a unique experience. I don't regret having done it, but I know now that four is too young for a formal concert experience. Boredom or tantrums I could've handled better than the emotionally distraught and disappointed. But first things first...

The concert was set to start at 7:30. Being a very anxious person (an anxiety which I unfortunately seem to have passed onto my youngest to a high degree) I was worried about parking, lines, etc, so we left the house at 5:30. It was an easy 30 minute drive to the town where the concert was held, and we found parking right away in the garage next to the theater. With 90 minutes now to kill, we decided to look around town. This was easy, since we were smack downtown with a Borders across from the theater and a Biggby Coffee next to it. We spent 30 minutes in Borders and each of the girls got a new book. This turned out to be a great decision, as Fiona's book came with one of those cheep magnetic drawing boards and this kept her entertained while waiting for the Indigo Girls to go on.

After Borders we went over to check out the theater. There was no line at all, so we went to Biggby's for hot chocolate for the girls and a much needed cappuccino for me. It was much needed mostly because the girls were practically having panic attacks as they were so worried about being late for the concert. My reasurances that we had an hour to wait fell on deaf ears though, so we ended up going into the theater and finding our seats a little before 7. The girls were still being really good, if anxious, and sat playing with and reading their new books.

We were in the fifth row from the front, great seats. We were also right in front of the speakers, good thing I had ear plugs for everyone! Actually, a really nice bouncer offered to give us all ear plugs, but prepared mama didn't need 'em.

Waiting for the opening act Fiona got more and more wound up, until she was in a frenzy of impatience. Thankfully the show started on time, and the opening act was nice, but Fiona wasn't into it at all. So we abandoned our seats after a few songs to go and get snacks and drinks. I should mention, at this point the theater was less than half full. I couldn't figure out where all the people were, as clearly the seats were sold... that is until we walked into the lobby. It was packed, you could barely move. See, there was a BAR in the lobby. Everyone was getting toasted, and it was not a cool vibe with kids. About half the women had that "mom" air about them, and smiled kindly at us. The other half looked at the kids as if they were dirt on their shoes. That sounds harsh, but it was a pretty clear attitude from a large number of people we encountered as we wound our way to the kiosk.

Another thing I'll throw out here, several people came up and asked me at various times how old the girls were, did I think they could handle it, wouldn't it be too loud for them, etc. Honestly I was surprised by the negativity. My memories of Indigo Girl's concerts on the West Coast in my twenties were of lots of happy, smily, girl power types. I don't know if it's a Michigan thing, or if it's just that we've all aged and the fans that were hippies back in the day (a whole 12 years ago!) are hardened now, but the vibe was not the same.

So, back to the story line, the girls and I got our snacks and headed back to our seats. Of course, right then the opening act ended, and we had to sit for 20 or 30 mintues waiting for the Indigo Girls to come on. At this point Fiona had enough of waiting and was starting to get vocal about it. Don't get me wrong, she was still doing fantastic for a kid who'd been waiting for something for 3 hours and was now at her bed time. Finally they came on and started playing songs off their new album. Uh oh. This is where the disappointment comes in. More like total heart break. Fiona started sobbing uncontrallably because they weren't singing anything she knew. Even when they played older songs, they weren't her songs. She was crying so hard she was shaking, it was awful. Consequently I didn't get to pay much attention to the show. Saskia at this point was polite, but also I think disappointed that she didn't recognize the songs. Still, she was interested and enjoying herself. But Fiona... after 6 or 8 songs, I'm not sure, I took her to the bathroom to calm down. Thank goodness, as we came back in they started playing her all-time favorite song, "Get Out the Map." She grooved to that, but started crying again when the next song was unfamiliar. At this point I pulled out my secret weapon, a massive bag of M&M's. Unfortunatley she just kept sobbing as she ate.

I guess we were at least half way through the show at this point, maybe more. This drunk guy kept screaming at them to play "Chickenman", so they did and Emily went into this really long, really awesome jam seassion on her guitar. It was so great. Everyone was standing at this point, so I went out into the aisle and started dancing with Fiona in my arms. Finally, she stopped crying. After the song the nice bouncer made everyone else go back to their seats, except us. He asked if I was okay and said we could stay there as long as we liked. The guy must have kids.

So that's how we watched the rest of the show. Me standing in the aisle, rocking Fiona. Towards the end they played two of our other favorites, "Shame on You" and "Closer to Fine" and Saskia got up and the three of us danced in the aisle. It was great, and just the experience I had been hoping for with them!

We took off after "Closer to Fine", it was 10:30, the show was clearly winding down and we were all exhausted. Driving home was awful, I was so spent emotionally and physically that I wasn't sure if I could get us home. In fact, a couple of times I seriously considered pulling over and calling my husband to come get us. Somehow we made it home.

To wrap it up, if you've made it this far... I don't regret taking the girls. Yes, Fiona was too young. I feel bad that the experience ended up being painful for her in some ways. I feel bad that Saskia got nothing from me during the concert, no girl bonding, because I was so focused on Fiona. But if we hadn't have gone, who knows? I've regretted not doing too many things in my life to have passed up on this opportunity. Hopefully it will come again, when they are older (and know more songs!) but if not we will always have their first concert, with me and a band that has been very influential on me. I suspect this entry reads as being very negative, but really it wasn't. I cherish this experience and I think that both the girls and I will look back on it fondly in years to come.

The horror

Today we received a package from my parents. It contained Easter presents for the girls, and a variety of memorabilia from my junior and high school years, including five separate yearbooks.

Oh my. I knew things were bad, but I didn't realize HOW bad. I found the most horrific sayings scribbled across those pages; words which I didn't think a seventh grader in the mid-1980's should have known. I found pictures labeled with, "jerk", "b****", and much, much worse. As I glanced through the photos, names jumped out at me.

The girl who pinched my ankles and called me a whore in fifth grade.

The boy who grabbed my rear and made me scream all through junior high.

The kids who taunted me, teased me, made fun of me and insulted me.

The friend who's heart I broke, by dumping her for another crowd in high school.

My best friend, the girl who stuck with me through thick and thin.

The chauvinistic, abusive teachers.

The teachers who made me think, who made me learn.

In the end, I suppose I gained a few good things, but the vast majority of my school experience from age 9 on was one of exclusion, bullying and sadness. Viewing those yearbooks brought it all back, and it wasn't a good thing. It made me realize, that no matter how hard life may get as an adult, it has NOTHING on the horrors of middle and high school. Yet, at the same time, it gave me hope. Because many of those pictures labeled with anger... I can't even remember who the hell those people are! So as much as I may have hated them 18 years ago, I can't even remember them now, and that gives me hope. Hope that our worst experiences are over-comable, and that in the end we can define for ourselves who we are.