Sunday, March 15, 2009

Children can be so observant

Fiona's sitting at the table, having breakfast with me when she points to a picture of me holding Saskia as a baby. She says "see that picture mama? You look so happy in it." I say "yes". She says, "you aren't usually happy" I mutter something... she says, "can you try to be happy like that sometimes?" I say "yes". She says "good, because your smile in that picture is so pretty" and goes on her way.

You know, I've always thought that saying "when mom isn't happy, nobody's happy" was kind-of BS. Sometimes mom has to do things that don't make her happy, but are necessary to keep her family together and give them a stable home. And when mom is so busy making sure everything keeps functioning how is she supposed to do anything to make herself happy? I honestly don't even know what could make me happy, I just don't think it's possible. But it makes me even more sad to know that my inability to be happy is such a sorce of concern for my child. A four year old shouldn't have to worry about her mom, it should be the other way around. Maybe there's some truth in that saying afterall, but I'll be damned if I know how to make it happen.


Jess said...

I've actually found that old adage to be true. If you aren't happy it's going to show and the people around you are going to feel that. Children are very perceptive, of course she knows :(

I don't know how to help you become more happy, but I think you need to make you a bigger priority in your life. If your happier, they will be too.

Alicia said...

Jess said exactly what I wanted to say, Christina. I hope you can find a way to happiness.

jae said...

Jess is exactly right. We all know, including you, that you don't make enough time for you. At least I know if I were in your position I would feel that way.

Don't make me send you chocolate again! Your hubby is going to kill me if I do LOL

Sweet Mama said...

Christina, how proud you must be to have raised a child with such compassion. Remember, as hard as it might be, that happiness is all in one's own mind! We can each choose to be happy, or choose not to be happy. It's about altering one's mind in whatever you are doing. I know different circumstances make that easier or more difficult to do, but try to do whatever it takes to BE happy! Even if it's just stealing a moment away to breathe, and remind yourself to simply BE. You are an amazing woman, and you can be happy about that!