Friday, May 8, 2009

Dear Harvey (a.k.a. "mousekiller")

Dear Harvey,

I'm writing to say thank-you for your vigillant, and sometimes vigilante-like, defense of our house from mice. I've been quite impressed with all the evidence of your prowess you've been leaving for us lately, four mice in one week, wow! You really are a cat god. No matter that they were all babies. I would however like to make one small request. In the future, could you please refrain from leaving your offerings on the doorstep? It is not pleasant to leave for work in the early hours of dawn (your bedtime) to step out onto a freshly killed mouse in my high heels. The driveway is also not an acceptable alternative, as squished-by-car dead mice are exceedingly hard to get rid of, and I did not appreciate how I had to scrape your latest kill up in pieces. Call me squeemish, but mice guts turn my stomach for some odd reason. I would greatly appreciate it if you could politely dispose of your kills in the rubish, or better yet, on that annoying neighbor's front step. You know, the one who we caught throwing dog poop over the fence into our yard last weekend. I'm sure they would appreciate your cunning and skill in trapping wee little baby mice.

Thanks again,
Your grateful owner

3 comments:

Gin Girl said...

I am laughing so hard -- oh this is so dead on, for those who've been privileged to have excellent mousers in their past! Very nice, Chris!

Sara said...

Hilarious to read, but I'm sure not as much fun for you.

Jess said...

Oh my! Harvey is one heck of a hunter. I don't know why they feel they need to leave their kills on the front porch, my cats do that too.

Hilarious read Chrissi!