Thursday, January 6, 2011

striving for new, learning from old

It's the beginning of 2011, so of course my mind has been whirling around thinking of what I should say for that obligatory new year post. I've thought about writing out my resolutions and my take on resolutions, and I've thought about writing what I learned in 2010. So here's a little on each.

I tend to think that big resolutions are silly and pointless. The "I'm gonna change my whole life" types of resolutions rarely are followed through with. Instead I've been trying to make small changes for the good. Here's some changes I'd like to make.

1) Be more aware of the food I eat and more diligent in checking things for allergens. If I can't find out the ingredients of the donuts in the conference room, the peppermint mocha at my favorite shop, or the candy in the dish in my boss's office are, I shouldn't eat them.

2) Run. Okay, so this is actually a big one. I'm doing the couch-to-5K. I have never been a runner, but I know that the exercise my body needs most is cardiovascular. I'm halfway to 40 this year and I can't walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath. Besides, running is free* and will help me with losing some of the baby fat that, considering my youngest baby is going on 7, I really should have lost by now.

Sidebar:I did my first day of the couch-to-5K today and it was wonderful and awful. Wonderful to be outside, moving through my quietly beautiful neighborhood as the snow fell. Awful to be in pain from head to toe after 20 minutes: My back and head hurt the worst, a sharp, jarring pain. My chest hurt, I was gasping for breath, my heart pounding, my legs jelly, the muscles from my feet to my calves aching as they stretched. When I got home I found I was 5 minutes short of the time I was supposed to do, so I did 5 minutes of sun salutations & decided that I should end every run with them. Not only did the poses stretch my legs and back, the deep breathing calmed my heart and lungs and the downward dog (which I hold for 5 breaths) got blood flowing back to my brain, ridding me of the headache. Awesome. I'm actually looking forward to my next session on Saturday.

3) Be kinder and more loving to my husband. If you know me well, you know where I'm coming from with this one. If you don't, you don't need to.

4) Be kinder and more loving to my kids. Fiona in particular needs more affection to fill that never satisfied hole in her, and Saskia is 9. In just a couple more years she's going to hate me, so best I get in some good foundations while I still can.

5) Learn more about my religion and be more involved at Temple, or at least make it to Shabbat services on a more regular basis.

This probably needs it's own post, or a whole series of posts. But since it's on my mind, a few things I learned this year:

1) I am capable of big change. Really. Big. Change. And I'm proud of myself for doing it.

2) Intelligence is a gift to be treasured.

3) I often start sentences with, "I'm not very creative..." as a cop out. But I AM creative. And I enjoy being so.

4) It really IS all up to me. My attitude and my perceptions shape my reality, so I might as well make them good.

5) God is loving. He is not in the habit of punishing people, ever.

6) Humans have free will. So yeah, we fuck up a lot, but we can always make a different choice the next time around. Nothing is predestined.

7) I love Fiona BECAUSE of her idiosyncrasies, not in spite of them.

8) Saskia is WAY too smart for her own good. But just because she has the capability to think as an adult, doesn't mean she is one. She's still a kid. I need to remember that.

9) I have a panic disorder. It is not going away, ever. Accepting that, I can deal with it.

10) My husband is a good guy. He's smart, he's loving, and he accepts me for the crazy bitch that I am. He's a keeper.

I am doing less in order to do more. I learned from 2010 that I can't have such a full plate. Kid's activities, volunteer work, my job, my obligations as a mom & wife and human being have been overwhelming me for a long, long time. I learned that it's okay to do less, and in ridding myself of some of my obligations I've found that I have time to do more. I have found time to sew, time to run, time to cuddle up with my hubby and time to play games with my kids. All give me so much more than those extra sports, Girl Scout events, and classes ever did.

*Except for the new shoes, gloves, hat, and sports bra I need to buy just to get started.


Alicia said...

Good stuff, Chrissi!

off-to-vienna said...

The little ones are amazing!
And Saskia might not hate you. I didn't hate my mum being a teenager.
And don't stress yourself too much ;)
Love, Toni

Jenni said...

Wow, really wow. Your post touched me and really spoke to me Chrissi. I especially related to #s 6 & 10 from your review of 2010. My husband and I had a really tough year and I'm going to be taking that one to heart.