Saturday, January 19, 2008

I'm back

I had planned to come back tomorrow, after this crazy Brownie Ceremony is done, but I couldn't stay away from my dear friends here any longer!

I only have a few moments this morning as I'm taking my wee one to see the new Veggie Tales movie in a little while, so I'll have to catch up with my messages and group talks later.

I just wanted to say a few words about why I needed a break and the things I thought about while I was gone.

I will admit I probably overreacted to the Chatter post. I was having a really bad day, fighting with a person I have to work closely with IRL, worrying about my Uncle in the hospital and feeling totally depressed about life. When I read that post I took it very personally. I couldn't understand how a friend could think such awful things about me. It made me feel awful, and I decided that I didn't need to come here to feel awful when I already had that IRL. So I took a thinking break.

I came to a few conclusions: first, I am not a bad person. Anyone who choses to think so doesn't really know me. I am REAL when I come on MM. You guys see the good, the bad and the ugly. You get to see my mood swings, my temper tantrums, and my bursts of love.

There are too many places in the world where I have to be fake and play nice. At work, at school, with neighbors, friends, relatives... all those places we have to be polite. Hold our tongues. Not say anything unless we agree. Only with our family can we always feel safe to say exactly what we feel. So feel honored guys, because my honesty here on MM shows that I think of you like family.

So I will continue to be just who I am here. Anyone who likes me for me is welcome to be my friend. Anyone who doesn't is welcome to go their own way. That's the beauty of this site, we don't ALL have to get along.

My second conclusion is, that as much as I love you guys I need to take some of the discussions here less seriously and less personally. Because it's not healthy for me to get as worked up over a chat as I did. My hiatus helped, and if I start to feel overwhelmed again I'll do the same thing. Just with less drama ;-)

Lastly, I figured out that I need to re-prioritize a little. I have been spending too much time online, to the detriment of my studies, my volunteer activities, and my family. So my new rule is, I get 30-45 minutes in the morning to catch up, then I'm not allowed back on until I complete whatever tasks I have for the day. Which means I will be less active in some of my groups, there just won't be time for me to respond to every post. If anyone has a problem with that let me know, and I'll re-evaluate my memberships.

If you stuck with me through all of that, thanks! Love you!

No comments: