Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Back to school

Today was the girl's first day of school. It was exciting, and heart-rendering. Saskia started third grade, and I cannot get over that fact. THIRD GRADE! That seems so old somehow. As I waited with her in line, we scoped out her classmates. Unfortunately, NOT ONE of he friends from last year got into her class. I'm really pretty pissed about it. I know the teachers sort out the 'difficult' kids first, seperating those who can't get along, or who get along too well and spend all their time chattering, then making sure the shy, scared or whatever kids get together with one of their friends. I'm sure they also look at things like academic talent, social skills or whatever. Then the last few kids get sprinkled in wherever they'll fit. I think Saskia was one of those last few. She never made trouble in class, was her teacher's favorite. Was kind and friendly and supportive of all her classmates. In other words, she was too good to make it onto anyone's radar when assigning classrooms. The consequence is that she got forgotten. It bites.

Fiona started Kindergarten and at least that went better. The KG classrooms at their school are awesome and giant... thankfully because there are 28 kids in her class. Let me repeat that. TWENTY-EIGHT. Kindergarteners. God help that poor teacher.

All in all, I'm happy to see them having new experiences and learning new things, but I'm very, very sad to see them growing up. There is something about the first day of school that makes me feel like such a terrible mother. After they walk through the doors I start thinking of all the things I've done wrong as a mom. I become convinced I'm the most horrible mother in the world. I second guess and question every move I made that morning, "should I have stayed with her another minute?" "did I tell her I love her?" "did I tell her I love her enough?" Again, it bites.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

28! Good Lord. That should be illegal.

I can't believe how fast your girls are growing. Fiona was about Ellie's age now when we first started talking.

And the girls know how much you love them, Chrissi. I know that guilt never quite goes away, but rest assured they know, Hon.