Monday, March 1, 2010

DDSD

I have been self-diagnosed with DDSD, or Detroit Driving Stress Disorder. Signs that you too, may be suffering from DDSD:

  • You see orange barrels everywhere you go
  • You frequently find yourself driving 20mph over the speed limit, usually in response to someone in front of you driving 20mph under it
  • You suffer from twitches brought on by the need to suddenly jerk your car out of the way of some idiot who is drifting into your lane
  • You find yourself randomly yelling things like: "Doesn't anyone around here know how to merge?!" or "That yield sign isn't there for decoration!"
  • Your children know that "stupid cow" refers not an intellectually challenged bovine, but rather to the broad in the SUV who nearly blind-sided you while texting and driving.
  • Events at the Cobo make you want to cry
  • You life is shortened by one day due to stress for every day you drive into the city
There is no known cure for DDSD, except for moving far, far away. However there is hope; years of therapy coupled with copious amounts of Xanax has proven to improve the condition of DDSD sufferers and turn them from quivering balls of rage to mildly irritated mutterers.

1 comment:

HomeSlice said...

HA! i've suffered from that prior. I now suffer from VDS, Virginia Driving Syndrome, and spend most of my life screaming at people who cannot merge properly to save their lives. And avoiding potholes the state has not bothered to fix.