Just this morning I was reading Undomestic Diva's post about a kid who was mean to her kid and how crappy it made her feel. My heart wrenched for her and her son and for all the girls and boys out there who suffer(ed) from mean kids. Little did I know then that my heart was going to be stomped all over this evening.
I picked up the girls from school and my eldest promptly told me that her best friend, the girl who she has made countless bracelets and pictures and presents for, the girl she has had spend the night and who she talks about endlessly and loves with her whole heart, the girl who JUST SUNDAY she spent an hour holding hands with at our cookie booth sale told her today that she is no longer her best friend. Apparently this girl is mad at my baby because she doesn't wear her "best friend" bracelet that the girl's mom bought her often enough. At least, that's the story. Who knows if it's the whole story.
Now of course I am seething at this news: How dare this girl hurt my girlie like that? How dare she just dump her for such a stupid thing? My god, they aren't even in Middle School yet! They're eight! Is this where it starts, the meanness, the cliques, the ins and outs and pain? I know for me it started at 10, I was the new, dorky country girl at a city school and I was tormented, tortured and ostracized by the popular girls. I remember that ache, that loneliness. I remember believing them; that I was ugly, stupid, no good. Those were the start of some of the worst years of my life. All of school was a nightmare, but fifth grade, that was the worst.
So I asked my girlie how she felt about this and of course she is very sad. At first the angry me reigned and I told her that the girl was being a drama queen. Then I composed myself a little and tried to be adult and give good advice, but in situations like this I feel so helpless. So I told her that all humans have problems with their friends from time to time, even when they are adults. That if she wants to work it out with this girl, the best thing would be to talk to her; tell her how she made her feel, and ask her why she spoke and acted the way she did.
I'm still outraged. I want to cry, and I feel like I'm going to puke. I want to shake the little brat and tell her to grow the fuck up. Friends don't treat friends like that. And I want to tell her mom a big 'fuck you'.
I'm so scared by this shit. The world is such a hard place, and I hate it so much that my sweet children have to live in it. I hate that they have to experience things like this. It breaks my heart to see them hurt. I want to wrap them in a blanket to dull the sharp edges. I want to surround them with friends who love them, unconditionally for the rest of their lives. I want to collect all the bad things and hide them far, far away. But I can't. And I hate that.
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4 comments:
Aww Chrissi, I'm so sorry. I dread this day too. Seeing my girl get her heartbroken is just too much to handle sometimes.
I also remember the drama starting around fifth grade. Blame it on the hormones I guess. Hopefully the issues with her friend will fix themselves as they always seem to do at that age. Hugs to you both.
I was thinking about this last night and I bet $20 that all of this is because of her new friend you talked about. Jealousy is a bitch.
Kate, yes! I told Saskia that this morning. I do think that jealousy plays a part. Saskia has a lot of good friends and I think this girl is jealous of that and is trying to get her attention. It's stupid, but it fits.
Saskia and I talked for a long time before bed about friendships. She is going to try to talk to this girl reasonably and work it out. I'm so proud of her for being so mature about it all.
I totally thought this happened because of the new friend too. Jealousy and insecurity go hand in hand, especially for girls.
The crap started around 5th grade for me, too. Hormonal rage! Middle school was the worst by far though. That is what I cringe at. If Ellie is anything like me at age 13, if she has to go through any of what I went through both with friends and myself (not to mention my parents' divorce), I don't know if I'll be able to handle it well.
I hope Saskia's ok. Give her a big hug from me (this nameless, faceless woman she's never met - lol). I'm sending one to you too, Mama.
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